Disquieted Hindsight
by AliceinAngst
Summary: Whoever said hindsight is 20/20 never walked a day in Emmett's shoes. He copes with the aftermath of a catastrophic accident the only way he knows how. Can Alice help him see that in retrospect hindsight is only what you make of it? ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Here's my latest look into Emmett. I am sure some of you shuddered at the mere sight of an Emmett/ Alice pairing. Why should Bella and Jasper get to have all the fun? Trust me on this one. Emmett needs Alice. Leave me some reviews and let me know what you think. **

Emmett found this afternoon particularly annoying. He had already tripped down the stairs leaving his advisor's office. Now his bag was on the courtyard grass and he had a feeling that books and papers were strewn everywhere. He berated himself for needing to get his act together.

Bending hastily he began to feel around for his belongings, shoving them back into the bag with more force than necessary. He stopped when he felt a hand on my shoulder. Just what I need, another sympathizer, he thought angrily.

"Excuse me," Emmett cut her off before she could continue.

"I have it. You can move along now, miss." He spat out his last word as he whipped his head around in her general direction. He felt her hand leave his shoulder.

"I was actually going to ask you where the history building is but never mind." He could hear the hurt in her voice and her feet as they began to walk away. He let out a sigh.

"Wait. I am headed to the history wing myself. If you'll wait until I get all this up you can walk with me." There was silence. For a second he wasn't sure if she was even there still.

"That would be great. I've gotten lost all day. There are two more books to your left then you have it all." Emmett took note that she didn't swoop in and clean up his mess. She simply gave a tip to help him out.

Emmett stood, throwing his bag back over his shoulder and taking a moment to clear his mind. He had dropped his bag facing south. So the building would be to his left. He turned to walk and listened as she followed.

Alice followed closely behind the irritable stranger. He tapped his cane across the sidewalk as he moved forward. Had she known he was blind when she walked up she may have picked up his stuff for him instead of just asking for directions. Then again, after actually speaking to him she wondered if she should have just passed him by all together and found her building on her own.

* * *

Emmett's ears picked up blaring music as soon as he entered the front door.

"Bella, please turn that off." Bella shot her eyes up from her paper to look at her brother. Her hand went straight for the remote and turned off her iPod dock.

"I am sorry Em. I wasn't really paying attention to it and I didn't even hear you come in. You shouldn't sneak up on me." Emmett practically snorted at the idea of him sneaking up on anyone.

"I'm not exactly stealth material Bella. I am like a clumsy bull blundering through a china shop. It isn't my fault that you don't pay attention to the world around you." He sat his bag down where he always did, right against the wall by the door. He took off his glasses and sat them down with his keys on the counter. He walked over to the couch and sat beside his sister. Bella looked at him as he leaned his head back.

"Long day?" He shook his head without speaking. "Want to talk about it?" She was given another shake of his head. Bella reached over and placed her hand on her brother's knee.

"If you decide you need to talk just let me know. Did you end up with a lot of homework?" He shook his head again but sat up this time and turned his head towards her.

"Not much. I have a paper to work on but it seems like it will be a breeze. No reading assignments yet." Bella could see the relief cross his face. She knew that he hated reading assignments. He had few options when it came to those assignments.

"When those come in I will help you out. You know that." A groan rolled from Emmett's lips.

"I know Bells. Thanks." His response sounded less that gracious. Bella knew not to take it personally. Emmett was not a fan of accepting help. He never had been. She remembered how when her dad married his mom Emmett walked down the aisle with his tie hanging around his neck. Even at eight years old he didn't accept help.

Despite his accident he had not changed in that aspect. Taking any form of help was tortuous for him. Over time he has lightened up but only to an extent. He was as independent as possible, doing all that he could on his own.

Bella watched as Emmett stood from the couch and made his way to his room. He called behind him, telling her that he had a headache and was going to take a nap.

Bella went back to proofreading her paper when she realized that she forgot to tell Emmett about Alice. Emmett hated surprises so she stood and went to his room. Knocking on the door she called out to him.

"Hey Emmett, I forgot to tell you that Alice is coming by for dinner tonight." She heard a grumble in response. Shrugging her shoulders she went back to her schoolwork.

She was thrilled to have her childhood best friend around again. Alice had found her on facebook, which was a miracle in itself since Bella didn't even have a profile picture. Alice let Bella know that she was transferring down to the university and had asked her input on a place to rent.

Alice's move had taken place over the weekend. Bella had helped her get into the apartment complex that she and Emmett lived in. Surely after her first day at a new school Alice would need a break so Bella convinced her to take an evening away from her unpacking and join her and Emmett for dinner. She was anxious to have Alice meet Emmett. Hopefully he'd ease up a little and drop the facade. Bella wished that others could see the Emmett that she did, only he made sure that never happens.

A few hours later Alice held onto a pie with pot holders since it was fresh out of the oven. She rode silently in the elevator, anxious about dinner. Bella never said much about her brother. The only things that she knew was that he had been in an accident a year or so ago and that Bella spent most of her time with him. She hoped that she gave of a good first impression.

Stepping off the elevator she made her way to Bella's door. She knocked and waited. The door swung open and she was met with Bella's smile.

"Alice, I'm so glad you're joining us. Here, come sit that down." Alice followed Bella into the kitchen and sat the pie on the stovetop. Glancing around she noticed that they were alone. Bella caught Alice's eye.

"Emmett will be out in a minute. Dinner is almost ready. Here, take a seat." She followed Bella to the couch. As they sat Bella asked her about her first day. Alice started telling her about each of her classes and asking if Bella was familiar with the professors. Just as Alice started to mention her encounter in the courtyard a bedroom door to her side opened up.

Alice stood to greet Bella's brother. As she turned to face him her jaw dropped. There stood her irritable stranger from the courtyard. Bella looked from Emmett and Alice, unsure as to what was causing Alice's odd reaction.

"Alice, this is Emmett. Emmett, Alice." Emmett took a few more steps in to the room and nodded his head in the direction of Bella's voice.

"Hi." Emmett turned to walk towards the kitchen. Alice's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Hello again." He spun back around to face her. Bella continued to look on at the encounter.

"Nice to see you again. I'm Alice." Alice took a few steps in his direction, chuckling at his shocked reaction.

"Hey Alice. Look, about this afternoon," Alice cut him off.

"No worries." The oven timer in the kitchen went off, saving everyone from the tension in the room. Bella led them to the kitchen, where they all stood around quietly while she pulled the food out. Once they were all seated with their plates she decided she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Okay, what gives? How do you two know each other?" Alice looked towards Emmett as he pushed food around on his plate.

"Well, I asked Emmett for directions in the courtyard today. Seems he was having a bad day and was in a rather foul mood," Alice's words were cut off by Emmett slamming his fork down. He stood up.

"Foul mood? Bad day? You haven't seen anything yet Alice." Leaving his plate on the table he stormed to his room, slamming his door behind him. Bella looked over at Alice, not surprised by the shocked look on her face.

"Well, that's Emmett."

In his room Emmett slammed down into his chair, fuming over his second encounter with Bella's childhood friend. He had been worried about meeting her since Bella mentioned it. He hated meeting people. Their reactions over him being blind were always awkward and he always said something to piss them off. Nothing new there. Although, thinking back on his meeting, Alice never seemed awkward. So what had him so angry over her? Was it the way she called him out for having a bad day?

She didn't realize that every day was a bad day for him. Same old routine of every move being calculated, counting steps, taking care not to run into a wall or fall on his face. Even a year and a half later he was still figuring out how to live like this. How to get by. He knew that without Bella he wouldn't have gotten this far. If their parents had their way he'd still be living with them in Tennessee. Instead Bella convinced him to move up here last semester.

His fingers absentmindedly came up to touch the chain around his neck. He ran his thumb over the smooth surface of the charm. He owed it to his sister to at least avoid Alice to keep from snapping at her again. He took a deep breath and leaned his head back, satisfied with the notion that he could steer clear of Alice.

Avoiding Alice went better than he'd imagined. Maybe she was avoiding him as well. He didn't care. In the weeks since she had moved in either Bella spent time at her place or Emmett hung out in his room while Alice hung out at theirs. He was cordial, telling her hello or goodbye when necessary. He didn't want to offend Bella. He apparently needed to do a better job.

"Emmett, what's your problem?" Bella asked him over dinner one night. He told her nothing but she didn't buy it.

"You do everything but run from the room when Alice is around. It is obvious you have a problem with her." He shook his head, his fingers twisting the chain on his neck.

"I don't have a problem with her Bella. I just want to give you two some time to catch up." Bella raised an eyebrow at him. She didn't buy his reasoning for a second but let it go for the moment.

"So, about Thanksgiving," Emmett held his hand up to cut her off.

"No way Bella. Not happening." She didn't press the matter. Emmett had not been back to Tennessee since moving. This would be her first trip back since he had moved in and she was looking forward to it. She did worry about how Emmett would do on his own for a few days but she refused to let that stop her from going. Her dad was practically to the point of begging when he asked her about Thanksgiving. She would be going home and she would not let herself worry over Emmett. Much.

* * *

Bella sat with Alice on the couch as they watched a movie. Emmett walked past them towards the kitchen, mumbling a hello to Alice as he passed. Bella shook her head. She still couldn't believe that he was refusing to go home with her for Thanksgiving. Every time she brought it up he said something about catching up with schoolwork but she knew the truth. He hated being around their parents. Between her dad's awkward silence and even more awkward attempts at conversation and his mother's incessant hovering she can't say that she blames him. She has told them to back off but always got the "what, we didn't do anything" speech.

She heard Emmett shuffling around in the kitchen and she asked him to bring her the rest of the popcorn that Alice had popped. When Alice's name ran through her mind a thought occurred to her. She tried to focus on the movie while Emmett was in the kitchen. She heard him walking through and turned to look at him. He stopped at the couch and held out the bowl of popcorn.

"Emmett, here's an idea. You know I hate the idea of you being alone on Thanksgiving. Even if you have schoolwork." She made air quotes as she turned to Alice. "Alice can stay here with you," Before she could finish her sentence Emmett cut her off. He leaned down towards where she was sitting on the couch.

"I don't need a damn babysitter Bella. The last thing I want is to spend Thanksgiving with Alice. I can take care of myself." He spoke through his teeth. Without another word he turned on his heel and stalked back to his room. Bella's eyes shot up to Alice's and she saw the expression on her horrified face. Alice mumbled something about having to go home. She stood and gathered her things in record speed. As Bella watched her walk out the door her blood boiled. She shot up from the couch and walked over to his room. She pushed open his door with so much force that it bounced back off his wall.

"What the," Emmett exclaimed as he shot up from his bed. Bella marched over to him and pushed him on the chest.

"How dare you Emmett." She shook her head at his blank expression. She continued. "Alice just ran out of here. You know, maybe you should think of someone besides yourself for once."

"I am thinking about myself. I don't need a babysitter. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Bella shook her head.

"Again about you Emmett." She poked him hard in the chest. "I was thinking about Alice. The only family she had was her grandmother and she passed away last year. This was going to be her first Thanksgiving alone. I couldn't convince her to come home with me. I mistakenly assumed my brother would be kind enough to let her stay here. What an ass." Emmett's face lost its color.

"Why didn't you tell me that Bella?" He paced back and forth muttering incoherent words. He couldn't believe that he had been so hateful in front of Alice. He shook his head as he crossed his floor. He had to fix this.

"I'll be back." He ran past Bella to the front door. Without grabbing his cane he stepped out of the apartment and headed to the elevator. He waited for the next car and felt the numbers, pressing the fourth floor. When the doors opened he walked over to the wall. Third on the left. His fingers brushed the wall as he walked, touching each door until he felt the third. Without thinking about knocking he reached for the handle and turned. The door pushed open and he shook his head. He would have to talk to her about locking her door but now wasn't the time.

Emmett called her name but didn't get a reply. His ears picked up on her crying. He stood still and listened to where the sound was coming from. Holding his hands out to keep from running into something he made his way towards the sound. Alice's apartment was laid out like theirs so it wasn't hard to find her in her bedroom. He stopped in her door as he realized the sound was coming from in front of him.

"Alice?" Alice looked up from her hands at him. She had hoped he would leave when she didn't answer him.

"What do you want Emmett?" She watched as he slumped at the tone of her voice.

"I wanted to apologize for being an ass." She raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue. "I thought Bella was trying to get you to stay with me so you could watch over me. I didn't know. I'm sorry." Alice let out a sigh as he finished up.

"There's a lot you don't know." Emmett's face shot up to face where she was sitting. "Come on Emmett. What do you know about me? I mean really know?" She watched as he thought for a minute. She wished he would take off his glasses so she could see all of him.

"Um, I know you like to shop, you're into fashion, and you're always perky." She snorted at his fumbled answer. She shook her head.

"Come sit down Emmett." He walked forward and felt the edge of her bed. He turned and sat beside her.

"I shop with Bella because she makes me. I'm into fashion, my fashion. I make most of what I wear or I wear vintage stuff. I am not always perky. The idea you have of me is all wrong. I bet you think I'm some six foot tall model blond." It was Emmett who let out a laugh this time.

"I know you're not six feet tall because I hear you below me. I've heard Bella say that you have black hair."

"Did you know I have a lip ring?" She watched his eyebrow rise in surprise. "And a tattoo?" She laughed at his shocked expression.

"See Emmett, you don't know me at all." Emmett hung his head.

"I'm sorry Alice." The silence lingered around them. Alice didn't like the awkward silence.

"Want to see?" Emmett turned in her direction and cocked his head in question. "My tattoo." Emmett chuckled.

"I think you're forgetting something Alice." He pointed directly to his face. "Blind." She grabbed the hand that was pointing as she laughed again. It was nice to see him smile for a change. She scooted herself closer to him and lifted the hem of her shirt. She took his finger and put it to her skin just above her hip. As she talked she traced her tattoo with his finger.

"It's a butterfly. My grandma used to tell me I was butterfly just waiting to fly away. It's a black tribal." His expression looked like he was concentrating as his finger moved around the lines of her tattoo.

"It's beautiful." The words were so soft coming from his mouth that she almost missed them. She took the hand that she was still holding and brought it to her lips. She let his thumb trace her lip, feeling the cold metal hoop as he moved. Alice acted on impulse and puckered her lips, placing a small kiss on his thumb.

Emmett shuddered under her kiss. He had never had someone act like Alice had. Tracing her tattoo so that he could see it almost brought him to his knees. He wanted to see all of her. He let his thumb move from her lips to her jaw.

"May I?" Before he could worry that she had no clue what he meant she nodded under his touch. Slowly he brought his fingers to both sides of her face. He let his hands explore her. He passed over her small nose, her high cheekbones, seeing her for the first time. Her cheeks were still wet with her tears so he turned his hand over to wipe them away. He brought his hands to her hair and was surprised to find that it was short. He could feel spikes in the back. He smiled, knowing that he definitely hadn't pictured Alice as having spiky hair, a piercing, and a tattoo.

He jumped as Alice's hand touched his own face. She traced his jawbone. Her fingers made their way to his glasses and she stopped. He knew what she wanted. He shook his head.

"I can't. I'm sorry." Alice drew her hand away slowly.

"It's okay." Her words came out softly. Emmett stood and turned to her and held his hand out.

"Come back upstairs with me? I'm afraid if I don't bring proof that I apologized then Bella might kill me." She chuckled at his words as she took his hand. She wondered if this was the beginning of a friendship with Emmett or if it was merely a truce for Bella's sake.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for checking out chapter two. Hope to hear your thoughts on Emmett and Alice. I see that a lot of authors do interviews with their characters so I thought I would give it a try. **

**AiA: Thanks for letting me tell your story Emmett. What can you tell us about yourself?**

**Em: Just shut up and write.**

**Well, looks like that's the end of that. Enjoy....**

Bella stopped by on her way out to let Alice know she was leaving. Alice assured her that she would peek in on Emmett every so often without being too obvious. That didn't calm Bella's nerves much.

"Alice, sometimes he gets," She let out a sigh. "I don't know. Just keep an eye on him. And don't hesitate to call me." Alice assured her once again that he would be fine then shooed her out the door. Alice watched as her best friend walked to the stairwell and out of sight.

She knew that looking out for Emmett while not being obvious was easier said than done. She had a feeling that he'd see right through her. Although that wouldn't stop her. For some reason Bella was very concerned about him and she would do everything she could for her friend to ensure he'd be fine.

She'd start by cooking too much dinner and taking the leftovers up to Emmett, so they wouldn't spoil of course. She set to work making a large meal, more than she had cooked since her gran had died.

The afternoon sped by and day turned into night as her casseroles and pie baked. After everything was finished and cooled she set about filling Tupperware with food for Emmett. She watched the clock, waiting for eight to roll around. Any earlier and she felt like her plan would have been obvious. Eight seemed like a good time to be running leftovers by.

While Alice watched the time Emmett was in his apartment doing what he always did when Bella left. Drowning his sorrows in his medicine of choice, vodka. He sat high on the bar stool in their kitchen and poured glass after glass, waiting for his memories to drown and float away.

He lost count of how many drinks he had sometime after his fourth glass. The memories fought back hard this time, not going away willingly. Just as his eyelids were getting heavy he heard a knock on the door. His glass slipped from his hand and crashed to the floor.

In his foggy state of mind he didn't think before stepping down to answer the door. He only realized his mistake after he heard glass crunch under his bare foot. He let out a curse just as Alice let herself in.

"Oh no Emmett! Be still." She rushed to his side and grabbed his arm. "Get back up on the stool."

Without a word he did as she said. He could feel pain coursing through his foot.

"You have glass in your foot Em. I'm going to grab the first aid kit. Where is it?" Emmett let her know that Bella kept it in the bathroom. He listened as she ran across the apartment and back.

"Prop your foot up here." Alice inspected the cuts through the blood. She stood and walked to the sink, wetting a wash cloth that she had brought from the bathroom. She returned to Emmett and squatted down in front of him. She noticed that even through the pain of his cuts he could barely keep his eyes open.

"This is going to sting Emmett." She brought the warm cloth to his foot, holding it tightly when he tried to jerk it away. He let out another string of curses as she gently washed away the blood. Once it was cleaned, she could see that there were a few small pieces were embedded into his foot. She pulled tweezers from the kit and pulled them out, taking care to be gentle. The largest cut on his foot seemed to be clean so she took to bandaging up the whole area.

When she finished she stood, stretching her back. She put her hand on Emmett's knee.

"Feel alright?" He mumbled a reply which she assumed meant he felt okay. She took a moment to look around the kitchen. Everything was clean, just like Bella would have left it. The only think out of place was the almost empty vodka bottle sitting by Emmett's place at the counter and the broken glass at her feet. He was drunk. That would explain his behavior in breaking the glass then carelessly stepping on it.

"Stay put Emmett while I clean the glass off the floor." He nodded and laid his head on the counter. She went to work sweeping up the shards of glass, making sure nothing was left for him to step on. After the mess was safely in the trash she went back to Emmett. She realized that he had fallen asleep so she shook his arm.

"Emmett, wake up. Let me help you to your bed." He grumbled and it took a few more tries before he woke and stood. She grasped his arm firmly as she guided him to his room. He was already in a t-shirt and pajama pants so she led him straight to his bed. He fell down on top of his covers and she fought the blankets to pull them out from under him. He lay still, not helping at all. He had fallen back asleep. When she managed to get him covered up she leaned over him. She pulled his glasses from his face, sitting them on his night table then kissed his cheek softly.

"What are you trying to do Emmett?" She stood and turned to walk out when she heard his almost inaudible reply.

"Forget."

The next day Alice avoiding checking on Emmett. He was a big boy and could take care of himself. She planned on going by that evening. It was Thanksgiving after all. Just because she didn't care to celebrate and doubted he would either didn't mean they had to spend the evening alone.

Eight pm found Alice at Emmett's door again. This time when she knocked he actually answered.

"Happy Thanksgiving Em." He motioned for her to come in, mumbling a greeting as she passed.

"Did you find the food I left for you last night?" Alice made her way to the sofa and sat down.

"Yeah, I did. Thanks Alice. It was great. Listen," Emmett ran his hand over the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I'm not really up for company tonight." He wasn't getting rid of her that easy.

"You won't even know I'm here. I actually just came by to make sure your foot was okay." She kept her place on the sofa, not willing to give in to the menacing snarl crossing his face.

"It's fine Alice. Suit yourself. You can stay but don't expect me to be any company." With that he turned and marched to the kitchen, careful to put little weight on his injured foot.

Alice sat back against the sofa and listened as Emmett pilfered through the cabinets in search of something. She heard him swear under his breath a few times and bit her tongue to keep from offering help. She knew that there was one thing he did not want and that was any more of her help.

Emmett's hands finally reached what he was looking for. He turned the top and poured the liquid into his glass. He didn't even take time to figure out what he was pouring. He brought the drink to his lips. Ah, bourbon, he thought as it slid down his throat.

Finishing off his glass he refilled it and walked into the living room. He knew that Alice was still there. That was fine with him. As long as she left him alone she could move in for all he cared.

"Shit!" Emmett yelled out as his shin hit the corner of an end table. He really shouldn't think hard while walking.

"Are you okay?" He sighed as Alice asked him how he was. Without an answer he plopped down next to her on the couch. He took slow sips from his drink as they sat in silence. He could feel Alice fidgeting on the seat beside him.

"What Alice?" He turned his head her way as he asked. A sigh escaped her lips.

"Nothing Emmett." That answer was not good enough. He felt for the table, sitting his cup down before turning to her.

"What Alice?" He repeated. Alice looked him over and let her eyes fall upon his face before she answered him.

"I just wish I knew what it is like for you." She watched as his mouth curled into a frown.

"No, you don't." He growled at her. She hated when people told her how to think. Crossing her arms she responded.

"Yes. I do." She watched his expression grow darker.

"Fine." Emmett stood up from his spot and stormed off towards his room. He was gone for a few minutes and she began to wonder if he was coming back. Just as she thought about leaving he appeared in his doorway.

"Stand up." She raised an eyebrow at him even though he couldn't see her. He walked closer and she noticed something in his hand.

"Stand up Alice." He was right beside her now. She stood in silence.

"Turn around." She did as he said. Emmett slipped something over her eyes. Just as she was encased in darkness she brought her hands up.

"Don't touch it." Alice let her hands fall to her side. Emmett tied the black bandana tightly behind her hair. Taking her by the shoulder he led her to the door, careful to count his steps to keep from running her into something.

"What are we doing Emmett?" He shook his head.

"No questions." His hand reached out and turned the knob. Before stepping out into the hallway he listened to make sure that they were alone. This time of night he was confidant that people were already in for the night or not coming home until much later.

He guided Alice to the center of the hallway, shutting the door behind them. He brought his other hand to her shoulder and slowly began spinning her in a circle.

"Emmett," He cut her off.

"No questions." He spun her around a few more times before dropping his hands. He stepped back silently and leaned against a wall.

"Go home Alice."

"What?" He could hear the confusion in her voice.

"I said, go home. You want to know what it is like for me. Here's your chance. Go." He heard her feet shuffling on the floor.

Alice held her hands in front of her and felt around. Nothing. She turned to her left and took a few steps. She felt a wall beneath her hands. She had no clue which direction she was facing. Was this the wall that the elevator wall was on? How far down the hall had they walked before he spun her around?

She felt nothing on the wall so she turned around and walked in the other direction. She thought she would be directly in front of the opposite wall but took a significant amount of steps.

"What's the hold up Alice?" Emmett's words cut through her.

"I can't." The words barely left her mouth. She let her hands fall to her side in defeat, only to walk directly into the wall seconds later. She cried out.

"Then go back to my place. Simple enough, right?" She hated the tone of his voice. She hated the traitorous tears that were welling up behind her eyelids. Feeling the wall in front of her she felt a doorknob to her right. But she had no way of knowing whose door it was.

"I want to take it off Emmett." She stood in place, not willing to move anymore.

"Take it off Alice? I can't take mine off." He bit back. She stomped her foot in frustration as her tears spilled over. As much as she wanted to she could not bring herself to reach up and remove the blindfold.

Emmett walked towards her, listening for her breath. When he stood by her he reached his hands up and pulled the bandana off in one quick motion.

"Fine Alice. Now go home." He turned and walked to his door, shutting it before she could follow. He stood by the door and listened. He wound the bandana around his hand, feeling the moisture of her tears. After a few minutes of her quiet sobs filling the silence he heard the elevator bell ring.

Friday morning found Alice sleeping in. No way would she venture out to fight the crowds shopping today. She didn't like shopping on a normal day, much less with hoards of people running around. She knew her favorite vintage stores downtown wouldn't have special sales anyway.

As she woke up she thought back on her evening with Emmett. Some happy Thanksgiving. She knew what he was trying to do. Little did he know that he'd have to try a heck of a lot harder to get rid of her.

Alice took her time getting ready for the day, slipping into jeans and a tank top after her shower. She pulled out her favorite cardigan and set out to talk to Emmett. She stood tall in the elevator, not letting his actions last night get to her.

Was she furious over the way he acted? Of course. But could she blame him? No. He had been down right mean but wasn't that how life had been for him? No one caudled him and eased him into being blind. He was dropped into that life and had to figure it out, just as he'd bluntly forced her to do last night.

She reached his floor and walked down the hall to his place. Without a second thought she knocked. She heard Emmett stirring around inside, making his way to the door. As he opened it she let out a cheery greeting.

"Good morning." As the words fell from her mouth her eyes caught sight of what Emmett was wearing. Or rather, what he wasn't wearing. He answered the door wearing only his pajama pants. Her eyes swept over his arm, taking in the length of his tattoo. She had only seen the bottom half of the sleeve before. Now she could see that the artwork carried all the way up to his shoulder.

She drew her eyes from his tattoo to the scar that ran diagonal from his neck to the top of his chest. It must have been from his accident. Maybe from the seatbelt?

Emmett dragged his hands through his hair as if to wake himself up. She noticed that even in his haste he had thrown on his glasses.

"Hey Alice. Good morning. Um, you want to come in?" He stepped to the side and she walked past him into the living room. After shutting the door he turned to her.

"About last night Alice," She cut him off.

"There's nothing to tell about last night Emmett. I wanted to know and now I do." She hoped that by brushing off their evening he would move on. She changed the subject.

"I'm starving and sick of leftovers. I wanted to see if you wanted to go grab lunch." He cocked his head to the side for a moment as if he were confused.

"Sure. Lunch. Yeah, that's fine. Let me go get dressed." Without another word he went into his room to change.

Once in his room Emmett had a moment to think. As he pulled out clothes he thought about the girl standing in his living room. He had humiliated her last night and yet there she was, acting like it was any other day. He had expected to have to grovel for forgiveness over his behavior. It was wrong and out of line.

As he sat on his bed to slip on his shoes he gave up trying to figure her out. He stood and reached over to his dresser to retrieve the glasses he took off while he dressed.

"I'm ready." He announced as he returned to the living room. Alice smiled at him even though she knew he wouldn't see her gesture. She watched as he picked up his wallet and cane from the counter top. She followed him out his door and into the elevator.

Once outside he followed her to her car.

"Does Raphael's sound good to you?" He nodded as he slid into her passenger seat. They drove in silence to the restaurant. Once seated inside Alice struck up conversation. Lunch went by with ease as they chatted about school and other mindless topics. She couldn't believe that she actually had him laughing at one point. It was the most emotion she had ever seen from him.

After he won the argument over who was paying they left the restaurant and headed back to her car. Even though he had his cane out her hand was tucked around his elbow. She enjoyed the closeness, as did he. They stood at an intersection waiting on the pedestrian sign to light up when a car a few blocks ahead slammed on its brakes to stop for its red light. The tires squealed and the truck behind it blared its horn.

Emmett's cane fell from his hands. Alice turned to look at him and immediately saw the sweat on his brow. His arm was beginning to shake under her hand.

"Em?" Instead of answering his breathing became labored and his shaking increased. The pedestrian light turned as she watched him. She reached quickly for his cane the placed her arm around his waist.

"Let's get you home." She guided him down the street to the parking deck where they had left her car. She opened his door and he slid in.

Emmett let his head fall back against the headrest as she got into the driver's seat and started her car. He wanted to slow his breathing and calm down but he couldn't. All that was running through his mind was the sound of tires squealing, the crunch of metal, and the smell of gasoline.

He clenched his hands around the fabric of his pants in an attempt to calm his shaking form. It didn't work and he continued to shiver almost violently. His chest felt like it was beginning to constrict. He felt Alice's hand come to his forearm. She rubbed her hand gently up and down as she talked to him. He couldn't even make out her words in the confusion of his mind. He only knew that she was talking.

Alice struggled to keep her voice even. She was certain that Emmett was having a panic attack and wanted to do whatever she could to calm him down. She focused on the road as she kept one hand in contact with him at all times.

She pulled into their parking lot and back into her spot. Getting out quickly she came to his side. She helped him out of his seat and led him to the building. She let go of him to open the door but he brought his hand to her wrist and clamped down. He wanted the contact with her. Somehow it seemed to lesson the anxiety that he felt.

Keeping the arm that he was holding free, she led him to the elevator then up to his apartment. Once they were at his door she fished his keys out of his pocket.

Entering the living room she led Emmett to the couch. He sat down and brought his legs to his chest, bringing his shaking limbs together almost in a ball. She knelt beside him.

"What can I do Emmett?" Her voice came out almost as a whisper, her own calm leaving. Without bringing his head up from his knees he pointed in the direction of the bathroom. He couldn't even form the word medicine. The tightening in his chest strengthened and his breathing was much more labored. He was beginning to hear her screams in the midst of the noise in his head.

Alice stood to her feet and bolted into the bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet she rambled through a handful of medicine bottles before finding one that contained what she needed. Finding the prescription bottle with his name on it she read the dosage and dropped the two pills she needed into her palm. Coming back to Emmett's side she knelt again. She used her empty hand to touch his arm.

"Here Emmett. Sit up and take these." He stayed in his position a minute longer then sat up and opened his mouth, keeping his arms clenched around his knees.

Alice placed the pills under his tongue. He placed his head back down to rest on his knees. Alice stood and walked around to sit beside him on the sofa. She put a hand on his back and rubbed small circles across his shoulders. She could feel his shaking decrease. When it was minimal she leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Em, you okay?" He let out a shaky breath and nodded.

"I'm sorry." The words barely escaped his lips. He didn't want to sit up and face her. No one had seen him like that but Bella. Even then he tried to handle it own his own. It had never gotten to this degree before. Usually he was home and could take his medicine quickly.

He felt her hand continue to work its way around his back. Her touch helped his muscles loosen up and he straightened out his form. He could only imagine what he looked like, a grown man huddled up on the couch like a kid.

Slowly he sat up, putting his feet on the ground. He stood without saying a word and moved into the kitchen. He heard Alice's small steps behind him. He opened the cabinet and pulled down a bottle with a shaky hand. Alice's hand slipped over his.

"Don't." She watched as his weary expression turned fierce.

"Alice, I have to." She did not move her hand. Emmett slammed his free hand against the counter.

"No, you don't Emmett. Please come back in here with me." He wanted to lash out at her and make her leave but after all he had done for her he couldn't. With a sigh he let go of the bottle. His ears picked up on her whispered thank you.

Alice kept her hand on his arm as they walked back into the living room. They sat on the sofa again. He huffed in aggravation.

"You know I'll just drink when you leave." Alice looked over to him as she settled back against the sofa.

"Then I won't leave." He let out a growl and jerked his arm away from her grasp. Crossing his arms in front of himself he leaned back.

"I know why you think you have to do that Emmett." He shook his head.

"And why is that Alice?" He wasn't expecting her answer.

"To drown out what happened." She called it. She knew exactly what he was trying to do. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his hands.

"It's always there Alice. In the back of my mind, just waiting to come to the surface." Alice placed a hand on his back like she had earlier.

"Will you tell me?" He sighed at her request. He wasn't sure that he could put it into words. But he also didn't want to deny Alice. He had been a prick the past few days, the least he could do is explain himself.

"If I tell you this Alice you'll know the truth about me. Who I really am. Are you sure that's what you want?" She nodded as she answered.

"Fine. Then I will tell you."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Just so you get the time frame, Emmett is 24 in my story. He and Rose started dating his senior year, her junior year. They dated for four years, putting him as a junior in college when the accident happened. As for Emmett's tattoo, it is a full sleeve. There is shading to connect them all together as one piece. Think of a graffiti wall with many different things scattered over it. I don't link to pictures so you can use your imagination to picture it. While I was writing this chapter Cold Desert by KoL was playing. I really think that it fits with Emmett's feelings in this chapter. I've been getting lots of story alerts. Would LOVE to see just as many review alerts. The small review count makes blind Emmett sad.

_**Emmett sat at his desk with his head in his hands. He was sitting in his dorm room, avoiding going to pick up Rosalie. He let out a sigh and looked up. The bulletin board above the desktop housed photos of him and Rose through the years. **_

_**His eyes swept across the photos. There they were at prom, spring formals, Christmas, graduations. The perfect couple going through life together. He shook his head at the notion of the perfect couple. They were far from it. **_

_**He pulled his eyes away from the photos and stood. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable. As he gathered his keys and wallet he thought on how this may go. Lately Rose had it in her head that he was going to propose. Where she got that notion he may never know. He was sure that she thought tonight was the night. **_

_**As he drove across campus to Rose's sorority house he assured himself that he was doing the right thing. He and Rosalie were slated to be together forever. Since meeting her his senior year in high school he had thought she was the one. They talked about the future often those first few years. Then their pipe dreams gave way to reality. A reality full of different interests, changed feelings, and constant arguing. How Rose had it in her head that they were still meant to be he didn't know. **_

_**He pulled up to the white house and let out one more sigh before getting out of his car. Before he could get to the door it opened and Rose came out to meet him. Her face lit up as she ran to him.**_

_**"Hey Em" He wrapped his arms loosely around her to return her hug. "Where to?" He could see the glimmer in her eyes as she envisioned what tonight held. If only she knew, he thought to himself. **_

_**"I wanted to talk. I was thinking we could head to the park." Rose scrunched her nose.**_

_**"The park? How about the ball field instead." He knew where she was headed. Where's a better place to propose than the old ball field where she cheered while he was on the field for the last three years? He tried to refuse the idea but Rose was not taking no for an answer. He shrugged his shoulders and opened the passenger door of the car to let her in. **_

_**Rose made small talk while they drove across campus. She talked when she got nervous. Emmett focused on the road, trying not to lose his resolve. A movement to his right caught his eye. He looked over and saw Rose fingering the necklace she was wearing. He stifled a groan when he saw what the necklace was. **_

_**"Rose, where'd you find that at?" She looked down at her necklace.**_

_**"In my jewelry box. I've always known where it was. I thought tonight was a good night to wear it." She kept her hand on the necklace while she talked. He should have known she would wear her infinity necklace to what she assumed to be a big night. It was his graduation gift to her. He found it to be perfect at the time since Rose signed all of her letters to him with the infinity symbol. Now it was just a reminder what what they used to have. He wondered what else she could do to make this night more difficult.**_

_**After pulling up to the stadium they snuck around to the entrance they knew would be unlocked. They climbed the bleacher stairs in silence. Once they sat on the top row Emmett looked over to Rose. She looked like she was trying to hold back excitement. He couldn't take it anymore.**_

_**"Rose, stop looking so happy." Her eyebrow shot up as she looked at him incredulously. **_

_**"What are you talking about?" He looked away from her and stared out over the field. **_

_**"I know what you think we're doing here Rosalie. That's exactly why I didn't want to do this here," He let his words drift off.**_

_**"Do what here?" Could she really not know? Was he blindsiding her? He looked back to where she was sitting.**_

_**"Rose, after being together four years can you tell me that you are happy with where we are?" She didn't answer so he continued. "We don't have anything in common. All we do is fight." He watched a seductive smile appear on her face.**_

_**"But we make up very well." She scooted closer to him. He inched away from her.**_

_**"No Rose. That isn't making up. That is shoving our problems under the rug. I can't do it anymore." The smile fell from her face.**_

_**"Can't do what?" She didn't wait for his answer. "What are you trying to do here Emmett?"**_

_**"I'm trying to say that we both deserve more Rose. We deserve more than keeping up appearances just because that is what everyone expects." Rose stood up.**_

_**"So we're throwing away four years? Four years Emmett." Rose's voice was rising with each word. He stayed in his spot and kept his voice level.**_

_**"I'm not throwing anything away Rosalie. What we had together means something to me. But what we had isn't there anymore. We aren't the same anymore. You don't care about my decision to coach any more than I care about your modeling dream."**_

_**"Fashion, Emmett." She had fire in her eyes as she spoke. **_

_**"See, that's what I mean. Rose, you can't tell me that you don't see it too?" She turned her back to him and ignored his question. They both looked out into the night, neither having much else to say.**_

_**"Take me home." Emmett stood and came to her side. He wanted to comfort her. After four years it was what came naturally. He lifted his hand to her shoulder but she shrugged it off.**_

_**"Take me home Emmett." She began walking down the stairs so he followed. In the parking lot he watched as her hand came up to her neck. With one solid tug her necklace came off. She let it slip from her hands. Emmett bent and picked it up, sure that she would regret throwing it out one day. They did have something special at one time and the necklace was a symbol of that. **_

_**At the car Rose opened her own door and got it, slamming it shut. Emmett sighed. This wasn't how he wanted to end things. He knew it wouldn't be easy but he didn't want it to be ugly. **_

_**He slid into his seat and started the car. As he backed out Rose turned on the radio in an attempt to fill the tense silence.**_

**_Emmett kept his eyes straight ahead, avoiding looking over at Rose. He didn't know what else to say to her. Of course every red light would stop them, it would be too easy to drive straight to her house and get the night over with. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while he focused on the light. He could hear Rose sniffling quietly beside him. Finally the light turned green. Emmett let his foot off the brake and drove through the intersection, glad to be that much closer to her place. Just as he braved stealing a glance at Rose he saw headlights coming way too close and way too fast. A horn blared._**

Alice kept her eyes on Emmett as he retold his story. She watched as he wrung his hands and struggled with his words. The pain he felt just from retelling the story was obvious. Her heart was breaking for him and she had to stop herself from reaching over and taking his hand.

"You know, I've always heard people say that after the impact they don't remember anything. Not me. I remember every detail. I can see the headlights coming closer, Rose's face the second she realized what was happening. I couldn't move, couldn't see anything. But I heard everything. It was like it was amplified. Rose was thrown from the car. I could hear her screaming, she was yelling for me. Her screams got quieter until they were just gone. I heard the guy who hit us call 911. He was fine. Rose died in the middle of the street and he was fine." Rage built in his words.

"That is who I am Alice. I broke Rose's heart and killed her all in one night." He spat, his words laced with hatred. "The flashbacks I have, hearing her screams, it is what I deserve." He brought a hand up to the necklace he wore. Alice realized that it must have been Rose's infinity charm. As she watched him fight his inner demons with silent tears streaming down his face she felt like she had to say something. She stood from her chair and moved to the couch. Gingerly she placed her hand over his shaking ones. He didn't jerk his away which meant something to her.

"How can you deserve that? Emmett, someone else hit you. You can't blame yourself for something you couldn't change." Emmett shook his head as he let out a bitter laugh.

"You sound like Bella. She's the only one who knew I was breaking up with Rose that night. I couldn't bring myself to tell her family. You're the first person I've told." Alice ran her hand up and down his arm, similar to what she had done in the car earlier that day. She watched her hand as it moved over his tattoo. She traced each piece of the tattoo with her finger. Emmett's shaking stilled under her touch.

"Tell me about your tattoo?" She hoped her question would bring him from the place he was currently lost in. He let out a weary sigh before turning towards her. Emmett put his hand over hers and as he described each tattoo she brought their hands over it.

"All the ones on my forearm are for my family. The swan, that's for Charlie, Bella's dad. That's his last name, Swan. The Hebrew says Reborn and Strength. That's for my mom. Her name means reborn and she has always been the strongest person I know." He stopped as he thought about his mom. She raised him on her own, his dad bolting the second she told him she was pregnant. She always did everything she could for him. It made him feel sick to think about how long its been since he'd talked to her. He avoided her as much, if not more than he did everyone else.

"In Libris Libertas, that is Bella. She picked it out, told me it means in books there is freedom. She had a book in her hand the first time I ever met her and I've rarely seen her without one since. 57 is my old football number. Charlie got me started in football right after they married and I was number 57 every year until," He trailed off, not wanting to talk about his abrupt end to football.

"The Texas star is for Jasper. He's Rose's brother. They were from Texas and he bled Texas pride." Emmett chuckled at the thought of Jasper. They'd been good friends ever since Jasper told Emmett not to hurt his sister or he'd kill him, then offered him a hit off his bong. "He did all my work, he's a tattoo artist. The fish on my bicep, they're koi fish. He said they represent good fortune or something. I thought it looked cool. It was my first tattoo." Alice brought their hands back down to his forearm. There was one tattoo left that he had not mentioned.

They sat in silence, her finger tracing the figure 8 of the infinity while his hand rested on top of leaned over and put her head on his shoulder. Being so close to him gave her a sense of peace. She hoped that it brought him the same feeling.

"You really love your family. I can hear it in your voice when you talk about them. Why won't you go back and visit them?" Her question caught him off guard. he leaned his head over so it rested on hers.

"It's just too hard. After the accident my mom took hovering to a whole new level. She stayed with me, she did everything for me. I felt like such a burden to her. Charlie was the opposite. I think he didn't know what to say or do so he did nothing. Jasper visited me a few times before getting the hint that I couldn't take being around him. Bella's the only one who never acted different. She was always just Bella. She took time off from school and spent all her free time in therapy with me. She learned everything I needed to learn. Half the time I didn't get something and she would help me in my room until I got it." Alice could hear Emmett's whole demeanor change when he talked about his sister.

"After Bella convinced me to move out here with her I just couldn't fathom going back. I can't face all of them."

"They don't blame you Emmett. They all love you." He shook his head against the top of hers.

"I wish I could believe you Alice." She could tell by the resigned tone of his voice that the conversation was over. She stayed in her spot, sitting with Emmett. As she looked down at their hands still resting on his forearm she wondered one thing.

When had she flipped her hand over so that her fingers were woven together with his?

-----------------

Bella slipped into her apartment quietly. It was too early in the morning to disturb Emmett. She sat her bags down against the wall so they'd be out of the way. After stopping in the bathroom she slid into her room, thinking of catching a little extra sleep . Just before she pulled back the covers on her bed she realized it wasn't empty. Alice's form was sprawled across her bed. Bella smiled, knowing that Alice must have spent some time here with Emmett.

Looking at the clock on her night table she decided to just stay up and cook breakfast for everyone. Once she was in the kitchen she started a pot of coffee and went to work pulling out all the ingredients for breakfast. As the coffee percolated she heard stirring coming from one of the rooms. While she was beating the eggs Emmett came up behind her.

"Smells great Bella. Welcome home." He wrapped an arm around her and gave her a hug, kissing her on the cheek."How was your weekend?"

Bella told him about everyone back home. He listened quietly while she talked about their family.

"Glad to hear they are doing good." He hoped she would change the subject. His mind was still on the conversation he had with Alice. Talking about the wreck had been difficult. He had tried to convince Alice to go home afterwards, that he would be fine but she insisted on staying anyway. He ended up being fine, no nightmares. That in itself shocked him, he was sure that dredging up those memories would bring them back full force.

"Did you hear what I said Emmett?" He had been lost in his thoughts while Bella was speaking. She repeated herself.

"I was saying that Renee really wants you to come home for Christmas. It won't be bad Emmett," He shut her out while she continued to plead her case. His mind was swirling. Part of him would love to see his family again. He missed them and hated hurting them by staying away. But like he told Alice it was just so hard being around them all. Being back in his hometown stirred up so many feelings.

Emmett was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear Alice walk up from behind him.

"I think you should go Emmett. If the offer still stands from Thanksgiving, Bella, I would love to join you." He felt Alice's hand curl around his own. He hadn't realized that his hands were balled into fists until he felt her small fingers pry his open.

Bella's eyes shot down to where Alice joined hands with Emmett. What had she missed the past few days? Before she left Emmett did all that he could to stay away from Alice, now he was holding her hand? She watched as Emmett's body gravitated towards Alice's, his head tilting towards hers slightly. She had not seen Emmett that relaxed around anyone since before the accident. It was almost as if his guard was down for once. Her eyes came up to meet Alice's. Alice gave her a small smile. They would have to talk later.

"What do you think Emmett? About going home?" She fumbled over her words as she made herself focus on the conversation at hand instead of the actions between her brother and her best friend. Emmett's silence was telling her everything, she was sure this was going to be another holiday of her making excuses for why he wasn't there. Would she leave him here alone for Christmas? Or would she pass on seeing the rest of her family so that he wouldn't be alone?

"I'll go Bella. It is time." Her head snapped up to look at him. His face was filled with uncertainty. Looking over at Alice she could see that her smile had grown. And looking down at their hands, she could see that their grip had tightened.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here's the latest chapter. Thanks to my faithful readers and reviewers. Pass the word around about Disquieted Hindsight. I'm getting a lot of story alerts but not a lot of reviews. The review count looks very sad and blind Em deserves better.;) Thanks!**

In the weeks leading up to Christmas Bella noticed small changes in Emmett. She was sure that she had Alice to thank for those changes but when she asked about what happened over Thanksgiving Alice would only tell her that they had worked out their differences.

Alice could see the changes as well. For one, when she was over Emmett didn't hide out in his room. The three of them spent many nights hanging out together on the couch. Emmett would always end up beside her. The pull that she felt towards him was significant. It took all that she had not to have his hand in hers or lean against him all time.

She had not seen him drink since Thanksgiving. That meant the most to her. Instead of self medicating she noticed him taking his actual medication more often. She felt much better about him taking medicine under his doctor's watchful eye as opposed to drowning his sorrows as he had been doing.

Now that the week of Christmas was here she could see Emmett's nerves increase. As they loaded up Bella's car Alice could see the worry cross Emmett's face. She pulled him to the side when Bella went inside to make sure they didn't forget anything.

"Emmett, are you okay?" His only reply was a shrug. She continued. "You have a six hour drive until we get there. No need to freak out now." She took a step closer and wrapped her arms around him.

"It will be okay Emmett." He brought his arms around her and pulled her closer.

"Thanks Alice." He didn't sound very convinced as they pulled away from their embrace to get in the car. Alice slid into the backseat with Emmett instead of sitting up front. Bella came back out after locking up the apartment. She did a double take at the pair sitting in the backseat and smiled as she slid into the driver's seat.

Alice dozed off during the drive. When she woke up she realized that she was asleep on Emmett's shoulder. She kept her head on his shoulder and reached for his hand. Without saying a word he joined her fingers with his and began rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

Bella let them know that they were just a few minutes away from the house. She felt Emmett tense beside her. She ran her fingers over the palm of his free hand in an effort to help calm him. When he felt the car turning into the driveway he let out a sigh.

"Here we go." He mumbled under his breath when Bella opened her door. Emmett reached over and opened his, hesitating before stepping out.

"Emmett!" Emmett stumbled backwards as the weight of his mother crashed into him. Renee's arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him close. He smiled at her and returned her hug.

"Hey mom." Renee fussed over him for a few minutes before letting him go. Bella introduced Alice before the two of them grabbed the bags from the trunk. Emmett turned to grab his bag when Renee took his hand.

"The girls can get those. Here, let's get you in the house." She took him by the hand and led him to the front door. Regardless that he could have found his own way, he followed his mom up the walk and into the house.

"Charlie, the kids are here," Renee called out as they entered the door. He could hear Bella and Alice coming in from behind them. He let go of his mom's hand and turned to get his bag. Alice came up beside him.

"Here's your stuff." He felt the handle of his bag against his hand.

"Thanks. Sorry about her." He spoke quietly, not sure where his mom ended up.

"No worries Em. I was thinking I should apologize to you for her. Does she always drag you around like that?" He shrugged.

"Pretty much," Alice's squeal cut him off.

"Mr. Swan!" Alice ran over to Charlie and gave him a hug. Charlie laughed.

"Call me Charlie, Alice. It is good to see you. I can't believe how you girls have grown up. What happened to my Baby Bell and Ali Cat?" Bella groaned.

"Dad, don't ever say that again. We were what, six?" Bella gave her dad a hug as Alice came back to Emmett's side. She had not been pleased with Renee's grand act of dragging him to the house without even letting him get his bag. She had a feeling she would be playing the role of security for Emmett while they were here. Alice watched as Charlie pulled away from Bella and looked towards Emmett. He had a smile on his face as he crossed the room. It was a look that a proud father would give a son and she wondered if Emmett even knew he looked at him that way.

"Emmett, I planted a new tree outside. Care to come check it out?" As Emmett walked towards Charlie, Renee caught Alice's eye. She was walking behind him as though she was going to grab his hand again.

"So, Mrs. Swan," Alice called to her, causing her to stop and turn around. Bella winked from behind Renee as Alice started making small talk with her.

Emmett followed Charlie's footsteps to the back patio. When they were both outside Charlie came up and put his hand on Emmett's shoulder.

"It's good to see you son." Emmett nodded and said the same. Charlie looked out towards the yard.

"I put the new tree to the left of the patio. It's about three feet over." Emmett was glad that Charlie thought to tell him about the change he'd made. It beat finding out about the new tree by running into it.

"School going alright?" They talked for a few minutes about Emmett's classes before Renee called for them to come back in. As he turned to walk back in Emmett felt Charlie's hand on his arm.

"We've missed you around here son. I know that after your accident I wasn't around much and I'm sorry. I should have been there. Just like I've always told you, you may have a different last name but you're always a Swan to me. I hope you'll come around more." Charlie's words took Emmett by surprise. The two of them never talked much before the accident. Emmett heard Charlie heading back into the house and followed him.

As her dad and Emmett were coming back into the house Bella noticed that things were in a bit of disarray.

"Renee, what's all this stuff laid out for?" Her eyes swept over the counters that were covered in dishes.

"Oh, a few people are coming over this evening." Renee brushed off the question. Emmett came to stand by his mom.

"By a few people you mean," He trailed off, awaiting her answer.

"Just some friends Emmett. Everyone wanted to come by and see you. They've missed you." He felt his mom's arms snake around his waist as she talked. Dread built in the pit of his stomach. He could read what she wasn't saying clearly. It looked as though the Hales would be joining them for dinner.

As Renee spoke with Emmett, Alice watched his interaction with his mother. He looked almost like he would be sick when she mentioned inviting friends over. She moved to his side and took his hand in hers. It didn't escape her notice that his hand was trembling. Could Renee not feel this? Just as she thought of Renee she watched as his mother let go of him and started tending to food on the stove.

Bella offered her help and went to work. Alice busied herself with occupying Emmett. She followed him into the living room and sat on the sofa. She found the television remote and flipped through the channels. She wanted to talk to Emmett but knew if he had anything to say he would be talking to her. Before long Renee popped her head in the room.

"Emmett, why don't you go rest upstairs before everyone arrives?" Alice bit her tongue, sure that Emmett would say something to his mom. Her jaw went slack as she watched him stand wordlessly stand and make his way towards the staircase. She wanted to tell him to stop, make him stand up for himself, but she knew that if she forced him to do that she would be no better than his mother.

Alice stood and marched into the kitchen, asking Bella to join her outside. Bella wiped her hands on a towel then followed Alice out the door.

"What the hell Bella?" Bella could see the fury in Alice's eyes.

"Now you see why he hates coming home." Alice shook her head in disbelief.

"No, people don't want to come home because their grandma pinches their cheek or their father tells horrible stories. What Renee is doing is," She paused, unable to come up with a fitting word. "Bella, that is ridiculous. Where is the asshole who bit my head off every time I tried to talk to him? Where is the guy that walks around the campus like he owns the place?"

"This is how he was until he moved out with me Alice. It's like he doesn't want to come across as a burden so he just does what he's told. I hate it. That's why I made him come live with me. Even when he first moved he tried to act like that with me. I think him being here, even after all this time, I think it is just too much. It's easier for him to be what he used to be rather than stand up and show them who he has become." Bella had hoped her words would give Alice some insight but instead it seemed to infuriate her more.

"I will not stand for him feeling inferior." With that she turned on her heel and made her way towards where Renee was working on a pie.

"Mrs. Swan," Renee held her hand up to cut her off.

"Renee, dear. Please." Alice bit the inside of her cheek to keep from losing it. How could this woman make her son feel the way she did then put together pies and sound like June Cleaver when she spoke?

"Renee," She said with a sneer, "I cannot stand by and watch what has been going on any longer." Renee turned so that she was facing Alice.

"What do you mean dear?" Alice let out a huff.

"What do I mean? I mean, I stood by and watched the man I l-", she caught herself "I have come to know so well turn into this, this person that I know he isn't. He is almost twenty-five years old Renee. You cannot just go tell him to take nap. You cannot lead him around here like a puppy. He can take care of himself. He has been doing a fine job of that for months now. I've seen it for myself since Thanksgiving. Then we show up here and within minutes it's like he's a different person. One who cannot think for himself." She stopped only to take a breath but Renee cut in. Alice had expected a battle but what she got was completely different.

"I know Alice." Renee hung her head and Alice wondered if she would say anything else. Finally Renee spoke again. "He's my baby. I did everything that I could to keep him safe as a child. Then he went and chose football as his favorite sport. If I could have wrapped him up in bubble wrap before each game I would have. I thought seeing him get hit on the field was the worst thing ever. If I only knew. After his accident I only wanted to make sure that he was okay. I tried to take care of him, watch over him. Then he moved away with Bella. My heart broke at the thought that I drove him away. Now that he's home again, even for a visit, I just want to make sure he sees that I love him." Bella spoke up.

"Renee, I know you love him. He knows you love him. He just can't handle you hovering like you do. He doesn't want to fight with you so he just secedes. He does whatever you tell him because he doesn't want to be a bother to you." Renee shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes.

"I never thought of him like that. I am so sorry." The three of them wrapped up their conversation without realizing that Emmett was just at the top of the stairs. He heard every word that was said. He couldn't wrap his mind around Alice being so fiercely protective of him or of his mother's feelings about everything. Was she really only trying to show her love? Could that be all? His head swam with the notion that he'd been wrong about his parents for so long. Bella had been correct when she said he felt like a burden. He felt as though he was just another weight for them to bear.

He couldn't believe the way Alice stood up for him against his mother, after only knowing her for a few hours. Really, she had only known him for a couple of months. He had tried at first to push her away, to keep her out. Quite the opposite from the way he acted around his parents. He felt that he wasn't a hard ass like he tried to be, nor was he a pushover like he posed to be in front of his family. He wasn't sure anymore who he really was.

The way that Alice jumped to defend him had him baffled. He wasn't even sure who he was, yet she was quick to come to his defense as though she had always known him. That only left another question swirling around in his mind. Why?

* * *

Bella watched as Alice interacted with her family. The night was unusually warm so most of them stood around the bonfire without a jacket. She watched as Alice's eyes would drift from whoever she was talking to and search the area. Bella knew what she was searching for and knew that she wouldn't find him.

Watching Emmett earlier tonight she could tell he was uncomfortable. There were too many memories wrapped up in this town. Even surrounded by those who loved him the most he couldn't make himself comfortable here. She saw Renee talking to him earlier and knew what the conversation was about. She hoped that Emmett took Renee's words to heart. She wasn't sure after seeing him around the others.

She had noticed how he avoided Jasper after introducing him to Alice. He had eventually made his way away from the group. She wanted to follow him but knew that he needed some time alone.

Alice's eyes caught her own and she gave her a sad smile and shrugged her shoulders to let her know she wasn't sure where he had gone. Alice spoke to Charlie for a few more minutes before backing away from the group.

She moved towards the house but something caught her ear. She followed the sound of the sad, soulful music coming from the direction of the lake. A familiar form stood with his back to her.

"Emmett, really, a harmonica? If you wait a minute I'll run back and grab my spoons so I can play with you." She smirked at her joke as she watched Emmett lower his arm. The night fell silent.

He continued to face the water as he spoke.

"What did you expect? That I'll sit down in front of a piano and play from sheet music?" Her heart dropped at the realization that she'd offended him. She walked to his side and touched his arm. Before she could apologize he turned to her. She noticed in the moonlight that he wore his own smirk.

"Kidding Alice. I know it's a backwoods instrument but my grandpa taught me as a kid. I used to always come out here and clear my head with music." She nodded even though she knew he wouldn't see the gesture.

"It really did sound beautiful. Will you play some more?" Emmett didn't respond but he brought the harmonica to his lips. Once again the night air was filled with the melancholy notes.

When he finished playing they stood in silence overlooking the water. Alice turned to Emmett.

"Listen, I'm really sorry about the harmonica jab," before she could finish Emmett grabbed her by the shoulders and held her tightly at arm's length. His face was turned down into a frown.

"What do you see when you look at me Alice?" She wasn't sure of his question so she waited. His frown deepened. "What do you really see?"

"I know what you expect me to see. Scars. Blindness. But I see so much more Emmett. I see a compassionate, broken man who needs to trust that I see him for what he really is." Emmett dropped his hands from her as though he had been burned. Confusion marred his face. Alice reached up and put her hands over his cheeks.

"Emmett, I see someone who just wants to be accepted for who he is," She pushed his glasses up on top of his head, watching sadly as he closed his eyes. "Even if he can't accept who he is."She pulled his face down to hers so that their foreheads were touching then leaned in so that her lips met his.

Emmett moved into her kiss and put his hands on her sides, ignoring the shake in his hands as her lips pressed against his. The feel of her mouth on his own was like nothing he could imagine. How often had he thought of kissing Alice this way?

The cool metal of her ring scraped across his lip as she deepened the kiss. One of her hands found its way into his hair.

Too soon, he pulled away. He couldn't get lost in this moment. He wouldn't let himself. Alice looked at him in confusion. He followed her arm from his face to her own, resting his palm against her cheek. She leaned into it with a sigh.

"Alice, I just," He paused for a minute, thinking. "I don't even know." He could not find the words. He wanted to tell her how out of place he felt with his own family. How guilty he felt around Rosalie's family. How unworthy he felt around her.

Emmett reached up to pull his glasses back down. Alice put her hand over his to stop him.

"Please don't hide from me Emmett. Let me see you. All of you." A broken sigh escaped his lips before he let his hand drop. For the first time since she removed his glasses he opened his eyes. He held his breath, waiting to feel her stare, hear her gasp, anything.

He wasn't sure what his sightless eyes looked like. As he began to worry about what he looked like he felt Alice's touch reach his eyes. She traced each eye gently, moving her fingers over the surrounding scars.

"I've wanted to see your eyes since the first time we met. They are beautiful. The way the moonlight is bouncing off of them. I've never seen that color before. It is green and brown all swirled together. Beautiful." Emmett swallowed hard as she spoke. He didn't know if it was her touch or her description that was getting to him. After a few minutes Alice broke the silence that had surrounded them.

"We better get back before they send out a search party." He heard her turn towards the house. As they began to walk he took a few steps closer to her and felt for her hand. She found his and wrapped her fingers around his.

"Hey, you never told me Charlie had a tattoo." Emmett tipped his head towards hers in confusion.

"He doesn't."

"Yes he does. I saw it today. When he came downstairs before the party he was still pulling his shirt on. He has a swan like yours on his arm." Emmett couldn't fathom that Charlie had the same swan that he wore on his forearm. His words from this morning ran through his mind. Until today Emmett thought that Charlie couldn't handle the fact that he was disabled, didn't want anything to do with him. It seems he had been wrong. Emmett walked back with Alice in silence, wondering if every thought of his was way off the mark.

……………………………………………


End file.
